That's enough of the knockers, let's be proud

How inspiring it is that the weekend's olympic hand-over hand-job was sponsored by Visa. That's Visa, the credit card company. It's how we're going to pay for it, whack it on the plastic then next month put it on another, keep shifting it card to card, we'll be fine. Then one February HM Treasury will forget to do the necessary because it's a short month and we'll be up for late payment charges and the full sum and before you know it there'll be geezers round to take away Britain's every last lamp post, paving slab and house brick. There'll just be lots of households sitting on mud with nothing left but their 32" plasma screen tellies and SkyPlus dishes, the bailiffs can't take those away, it's the law.

The last major infrastructure project we delivered on time and under budget was the Bridge on the River Kwai. And then we had the Japanese Imperial Army providing project management services.

Never mind Paula Radcliffe exhibitionistically taking a crap for the edification of the public on the Embankment. If you want a vision of the future, take what my friend saw from the bus the other day: imagine a middle-aged balding man in a Hackett shirt and shorts using his mobile to video a kid in a knock-off Moschino t-shirt getting mauled by his own Staffie in a pool of blood outside a Favorite Fried Chicken. Forever.